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President Kenyatta Mandingo will propagandize your babies on their first day of school tomorrow, and of course you know he’s gonna talk about SEX. Here’s what he’ll say:
You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment.
So, ‘wingers, Birthers, Deathers, and Beckites, be ready: when your kids get off the school bus tomorrow, here’s their question for you:
"Mommy, the President said if I work hard in science class I can cure AIDS. Mommy, what’s AIDS?"
Megachurch family values likely prohibit talking to offspring about S-E-X without simply saying "N-O!" over and over (hi, Bristol, hi Levi, hi Tripp!) But guess what? Tomorrow, the first day of school for non-home-schooled kiddies, government-run schools will force-feed them a speech about S-E-X from the President of the United States.
And unsuspecting parents will be left to fill in the blanks.
I wonder which black appointee will get fired for this fuckup?
7 Comments
welcome home Teddy.
oh hell, why not a disabled african-american gay appointee – afterall, he’s an equal opportunity coward
Hey there you.
What did I miss the last two weeks, anyway?
Man, I didn’t even think about the sex part. Neither did my kids when we read the speech.
The older one has been on track to go to pre-med and med school, to become a pathologist.
Jeepers, I suppose this means she may be working with HIV/AIDS.
I suppose now I’m supposed to throw up my hands, then clutch my pearls and scream Lawd-a-mercy, NOOOOOOO!!!! and then faint from disgust.
Ri-ight.
Only if you view AIDS as something to be dealt with by a pathologist, as opposed to divine retribution from Dinosaur-Riding Jesus.
Oh, not this mother. I’m the one who thinks the hullabaloo about the word “blowjob” is entirely misplaced.
I think I’m going to have to get me one of those dashboard Dinosaur-riding Jesus figures just for fun, though, maybe to embarrass my kids.
massacio (5) — thanks for that link, although I can’t discern the age of the researchers from the article. My parents are big proponents of Scripps Oceanographic Institute, which I’m pretty sure is related to the Scripps Institute which figured into this research. They’re doing some really great stuff.
Be sure to tell her not to actually work on the cure for AIDS because we wouldn’t want to interfere with God punishing all those eeevil homosexuals. Tbe only way she’s going to make a lot of money for the company is to stick to erectile dysfunction and eyelash growing drugs anyway, so have her stick with important stuff like that and make both God and the pharmaceutical industry happy.
Speaking of AIDS, a very young person was the lead investigator on a project that has found a pair of antibodies that may very well lead to a vaccine. Read more here.