If you’re like me — and I imagine you are, unless you are a straight middle aged man posing as a lesbian blogger — you expected to tune in to tonight’s John-King-wishes-he-had-lights-and-buzzers debacle on CNN hoping to see Michele Bachmann go completely off the rails, screeching about Obamacare’s secret funding for abortion clinics and Sharia law governing Hillary Clinton’s discussions with Bennie Netanyahoo.

Well, that didn’t exactly happen, now did it?

Bachmann looked composed, sounded intelligent, got her bio out there (were you surprised commentator David Gergen did not know about the Bachmann’s double-dozen foster kids? Who’s not paying attention now, David?) and managed not to screw up big-time. She even kept her eye on the operating camera, which we know from her State of the State of the State of the Union speech to America can be a challenge.

Even Anderson Cooper had to give the Congresswoman points for “time-management” in terms of her child-rearing duodecathlon.

By not embarrassing herself in front of New Hampshire GOP voters in the hall, the national media, and political junkies watching everywhere, Michele Bachmann won the debate. She did well, I think, and accomplished four unspoken goals:

1. She demolished Frothy Mixture, the has-been to her right.
2. She sparkled unlike the Tiffany Debtor, the has-been to her left.
3. She probably kept Snowbillie Grifterella out of the race entirely.
4. She showed she runs with the leaders, being favorably mentioned by every single one of the men on stage tonight.

The leaders for the GOP nomination are now Romney, Cain, and Bachmann. I think Pawlenty screwed the pooch tonight, looking argumentative, bland, and unsure of himself all at the same time. Cain managed to get out from under his “no Muslims need apply” unforced error by blaming the media, repeatedly, for misquoting him, always popular with GOPs.

And Ron Paul was, well, he was Ron Paul. I continue to be amazed that someone with that speaking voice has succeeded for so long in politics, but I guess his policies have a certain appeal to the AynRandians.

What was your take on tonight’s Goat Rodeo Launch?