Bring me your coconuts/Bring me your sweet mangos too/Bring me your papayas/I’ll tell you what I brought for you/Syphilis and religion…

-Graham Parker

So I’m driving along today in central Ohio, doing a little station surfing, and I find something called the American Family Radio Network. I’ve landed on it before, and have usually run right by it. But today I remembered the response of a coworker, years ago, when I asked what the hell he was doing listening to Rush Limbaugh.

"Gotta know what the enemy is up to," he replied, missing nary a beat.

I took my hand off the tuning dial, listened, and proceeded to be struck, once again, by the lengths to which the Right will go in order to further its wacky agenda. Specifically, telling lies to the oh-so-pious listeners of networks like this one.

I guess "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbors" doesn’t spell it out quite clearly enough for these people.

Steve Forbes was the guest on a little show called "Today’s Issues," a politically charged talkfest on either side of the noon hour simply overloadedwith neo-Conservative tripe. In the fifteen brief minutes before noon (I tuned in, ah, late – for lack of a better word), host Tim Wildmon and his female cohost (whose given name was scarcely uttered, nor was she identified as a co-host – guess that would put her on a too-equal footing), Wildmon lobbed softballs which Forbes proceeded to drive over the Right-field fence ("I hear you are opposed to the progressive tax and favor a flat tax, is that right?" "What do you think of the latest health care reform efforts?").

If Wildmon’s name is familiar, that might be because he is the son of Donald Wildmon, the Mississippi minister famously excoriated by George Carlin 1988 for complaining to Ronald Reagan’s FCC about hearing something on the radio he didn’t like.

"Well Reverend," Carlin began, "didn’t anyone ever tell you there are two KNOBS on the radio? Imagine that, KNOBS on the radio!

"Course, I’m sure the Reverend isn’t too comfortable with anything that’s got two KNOBS on it.

"But there are two knobs on the radio, Reverend! One of ‘em turns the radio off and the other one *click* CHANGES THE STATION! That’s right, Reverend, you can actually change the station. It’s called freedom of choice, and it’s one of the principles on which this country was founded, look it up in the library Reverend – if you have any of them left, after you’ve finished BURNING ALL THE BOOKS."

Wildmon resigned as chairman of the American Family Association last week, and Tim, his son, is sure to take the reins.

As today’s interview progressed, it became clear that Steve Forbes’ must be sifting the ashes of burned books in formulating his position against health insurance reform – because he sure isn’t reading anything even resembling objective numbers. Forbes repeated the lie we’ve been hearing again and again over the last two weeks: "Sixty percent of the American people" oppose the health care bill.

That’s true, provided (1) you’re reading the always-conservative-leaning Rasmussen Poll, and (2) 53 percent now equals 60 percent.

In fact, a Gallup Poll released yesterday shows the margin for and against at 45 to 48, with 7 percent undecided – in spite of the Right’s nonstop parade of lies and distortions. But you won’t be hearing that on American Family Radio. Which, of course, is why Forbes was there in the first place.

After the brave Mr. Forbes was finished, I hung in through the noon "news" update. Just wait ’til you hear about that.

Tomorrow, right here.

Cross-posted at The Malcontent.