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Pat Robertson’s ridiculous comments about the Haiti earthquake drew criticism from all corners of the political spectrum.
Robertson’s comments were so insane that even Satan couldn’t resist responding to the lunacy. In a letter to the editor that appeared in the Minneapolis, St. Paul Star Tribune, Satan wrote:
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven’t you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best,
Satan
The letter was written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis and appeared in the Star Tribune.
33 Comments
A letter? Puh-lease!
I’m sure Satan has Robertson on speed dial…
Another ‘contract employee’ outed.
Pat Robertson unclear on the whole Satan thing. Not at all surprised at that.
Sweet!
I don’t believe there is a God, but I do believe there is evil.
Funny how human life is asymmetrical that way.
Och! That letter is a thing of beauty.
So I’ll take it that the Cayman’s are Devil’s Islands, LLC.
Get on your knees Pat, you got some ‘splaining to do.
Love God
“Not how I roll.”
Love it!
Book Salon up at the Mothership with Jean Sasson’s Growing Up bin Laden: Osama’s Wife and Son Take Us Inside Their Secret World hosted by AJ Rossmiller
I think Pat Robertson probably meant SANTA not SATAN
Tasty snark, and presented (as one might expect) with a fine dose of Minnesota Nice.
Ya Shurr Ya Betcha
I had thought initially…many individuals down there on mission trips, maybe representing their congregation/maybe independent groups were also lost and killed in this tragedy.
What more idiotic could Pat offer to explain the harm to them. A sickening point of view.
Actually, the Haitian earthquake is somewhat embarrassing for religious types because it exposes a fatal flaw in the idea of an omnipotent, loving god — namely, the question of whether god could have prevented the earthquake.
If so, well he didn’t, and he’s a murderous bastard. If not, he’s not exactly the almighty lord of the universe.
Pat Robertson’s organization is now soliciting prayers for Haiti to the same god that just trashed the place, which is kind of like asking the local arsonist to support your fire department’s bake sale.
Other xtians are telling me that god was merciful and kept the disaster from being so much more deadly. I invite them to canonize Ted Bundy for not having killed way more people than he actually did.
You’re confusing the Creator with Santa Claus, a simple, oft made mistake.
None of your rationales to convince or deny the existence of God to a Christian would be adequate.
Perhaps Haiti will finally get the attention of those who can build the country into something that will address the 80% extreme poverty. In that aspect it could NEVER bring anyone back or lessen the pain people will endure but it would be a positive thing to come out of this.
Robertson is a fucking Gargoyle!
Beautiful. just…beautiful….
Moran.
tbsa, could god have prevented the Haitian earthquake? A simple yes or no answer will suffice.
No, he WOULD not.
I’m not going to argue with you about religion. Your basic premise is off in this instance about what Christians believe about why God doesn’t intervene.
Oooh, Snap!
Dude, your god could have saved tens of thousands of innocent victims from being slaughtered, and didn’t? And you find this being worthy of adoration? That’s just completely horrifying.
First of all, I am not a dude. Second you asume facts NOT in evidence. And I would assume that a Christian would consider the fact that you are godless equally horrifying.
Would you like to be a little more specific about that reference to “Dude, your god”?
Cuz both tbsa and I are a little confused about the point you a trying to make.
So, lemme get this straight, the Haitians sold their souls to the debbil, so Gawd smote them for their betrayal?
Puhleeze… Anyone buying into THAT shit has the IQ of a goldfish. So, after getting the shit kicked out of them for 200 odd years by France and America, Gaawd decides to “punish them”? What the fuck for, being destitute, thanks to the oligarchs?
Let’s leave the fairy story of God and Satan outta this and call it what it is. Planet Earth doing what it does.
That’s brilliant. Thanks for sharing. Satan would have tossed in a couple of decent strip clubs and a casino or two as well. You’re in the business of buying souls, you gotta have a lifestyle element thing going on. Just won’t work otherwise.
lily coyle, proof that the tao is not utterly indifferent.
peas!
Pat R and his ilk are the original designers of the Flim Flam game .
EXACTLY! Watch the movie “Elmer Gantry” to get the idea. Pat Robertson & his evil ilk are only about making money for themselves. I seriously doubt that they believe in god or the devil; those are just convenient constructs used to fleece the credulous for all they can. That’s why they use fear so much (by saying you’ll go to hell, or in terms of promoting all terrorism all the time, or that BHO is like Hitler, etc); fear makes the dittoheads more easy to manipulate & more easy to part them from their moeny. The end.
However, I do like this letter from Satan. Well said!
Whatever Gods there may be give everyone a death sentence the moment they are born, so why the surprise?
No single thing in all the world,
Not granite mountain nor foaming sea,
Forever survives the circle’s twirl,
Of karma, flowing endlessly.
Perhaps some comfort in the thought,
Though destined we are to mourn and to pine,
That there is no cruelty on the part,
Of indifferent, always marching time.
DonQuisadorme: Have the decency to wait until the bodies are found and buried before you start using them for agenda fodder.
twolf -
Late to the thread but thank you so much for bringing Lily to the Lake. It was pretty far down in the comments section but here’s Lily’s (aka satan) *g* reaction to the reactions:
Not only is this guy Robertson a pathetic buffoon, intent on self-serving and fleecing gullible followers out of their money, but he’s got his facts confused: Napoleon III ruled over France from 1848 to 1870, while Haiti obtained its independence from that country in 1804.
This guy has no right to make a mockery out of all the sufferance and loss of life experienced by the people of Haiti. If I were a Haitian, I would not take this outrageous utterance very lightly….