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Freedom from Want by Norman Rockwell (source: UNT Digital Library)
Psychologists and storytellers know that the holidays can be a time of supreme tension for families. Much of it stems from the idealized, Norman Rockwell visions of family perfection. We have come to associate Thanksgiving with a time that families gather together, with children coming home to mom and dad, often with their own families to meld again into a tribal togetherness, gaining strength and love from the family unit. The fiction holds that it’s all about love and support and sharing, perhaps sharing the stories that define the family in the best possible light. Often the family narratives have survived generations, and become accepted, and almost always leave out the bummers and rivalries and er…issues that were inconvenient, so were left unexamined.
In other words, the fictions that our culture loves to portray about ‘normal’ families are so idealized and unreal that the actual holiday bumps up against Norman Rockwell images in our hearts and psyches, and all hell can break loose. Or later, once the dinner mess is cleaned up, we can feel depressed and dissatisfied. . . .
Now if your family is clear and honest and the members communicate well, solving problems along the way: this diary and the film clip isn’t for you. I’m so happy for you!
But if you’re like most of us, or at least like most of the people I know, please allow the cast of Home for the Holidays show you an alternate version that one great and wonderful and quirky family experienced one Thanksgiving. Lots of accidental comedy is here; lots of human frailty, broken dreams, barely suppressed rage…and lots of love and admiration.
As you prepare your holiday meal, and people gather (or not) together to share a meal and give thanks (or not) for the blessings accorded you, please chuckle once in awhile, and know that even if your day turns a bit sour with unrealized expectations of family harmony and bliss: at least it’s not abnormal, and maybe just a tad healthier than this!
Happy Thanksgiving, peeps. And remember, if you fall asleep after dinner, it wasn’t really the L-tryptophan in the turkey that caused it: it’s avoidance and family aversion! ;o)
Stay safe, and make it the best day you can… ;o)
24 Comments
Many thanks to whomever made my image and video work. ;o)
“Home for the Holidays” is one of my favorite movies. I can’t wait to watch it again this year; it reminds me that all families are dysfunctional in some way, and that mine is perfectly normal if goofy.
Thanks for the post, Wendy, wish you and yours a very pleasant holiday. May you smile and laugh more often than you grit your teeth.
Hallo, Rayne. Thanks for the assistance again. Can’t figure out where I go wrong following the instructions for images and videos; I try both Visual and HTML.
I love the socks off this movie; I’ve been watching/listening to the parts on youtube as I do the day. Most of our family’s creepiest ones are dead now, but there were some pips of holidays in the past.
This year no kids or grandkids will be here, just a couple friends, so it will be quiet–but at least I’ll get to taste the food! We’re going to toast with chai-nog, as one visitor can’t drink. It will be be mellow as all gigddy-up.
A good holiday to you and your great family, too. ;o)
Thanks for the juxtaposition of Normal Rockwell and Home for the Holidays. Inspires me to share a memorable Thanksgiving scene (that I could only find in Spanish).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq5po8JZVkA
Posted a Thanksgiving diary yesterday that was up for six or eight hours before falling off the screen. Some good comments, though.
http://my.firedoglake.com/wattchildress/2010/11/24/upstream-for-the-holidays/
Happy Thanksgiving!
A comedian once suggested that during the holiday season, you should drive a few blocks from home, pick a house at random, and tell the residents, “Hi, we’re going to be your relatives this year.” He said there was a 50-50 chance you’d get along better with them than with your real family.
We did that for a number of years, in a way — we use to invite the neighbors over, a widower whose two kids were nearly the same age as my stepson and with whom my stepson spent quite a bit of time when he was at our house.
They were a lot of fun to visit with, although they kept us on our best behavior, mostly because they were very conservative Southern Baptists. It was much calmer, more relaxing than having my family or my spouse’s family over, probably because we had no real expectations of each other and we tried harder to be considerate of the gap in our familial cultures.
Unfortunately they moved when the son graduated from high school; it’d be fun to have them over today to chat over dinner.
“Families of choice”? Absolutely. When Mrs. Tiger was working for a large corporation, she organized a Thanksgiving dinner for people who, for various reasons–distance and estrangement headed the list–didn’t want to spend the holiday with their relatives.
My favorite SNL skit ever ever…
“Announcer: It’s that time of year, when families get together to reopen old feelings. And Silver Bell Records is proud to present a Dysfunctional Family Christmas. This is the album your family is sure to cherish for Christmases to come.
[ SUPER: "Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)" ]
Dad: [ singing ]
“Christmastime, you force a smile
Everyone is joining in the group denial
Folks behaving infantile
Family Christmastime.”
Announcer: Hit after dysfunctional hit. Songs like “The Almost Perfect Christmas”:
Female Chorus: “Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect
The tree and the parlors are perfect fun.”
Male Chorus: “Then your brother, yells at your mother.”
Altogether: “Christmas is ruined for everyone….”
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/90idysfunctional.phtml
Families; sigh. One woman who knew mine told me over and over that you don’t choose your family, and if you needed to move away and stay away to do it.
Good plan; but I spent years caring for my parents in the end. Some things don’t seem to be choices, but inevitabilities. ;o) Happy Thanksgiving, tammanytiger.
We always had plenty of spares and orphaned people here; as you say, better than the family thrust upon us!
What tribe are you, kind GSL? We live in southwestern Colorado near many tribes, and have spent time on many reservations and attending ceremonies. We have an adopted Ute Mountain Ute daughter.
I am sorry your family is having such a problem with your religion, but it can be a great divider when people adhere too strongly to the correctness of their beliefs.
I liked the film clip and the movie so well; I must say many of the characters resonnate with my family past, though some of these are better, and I’d like them as friends. ;o)
You also might enjoy the Native American prayer in Watt Childress’s diary he linked to above; it was at a salmon celebration, and is a good one. Peace to you.
Thanks for that, Adam; I do remember it! The dad (Charles Durning) in Home for the Holidays, finally says, “Ah, no; we’re supposed to do this again for Christmas??? Arrggghh!”
Holiday-James McMurtry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THku9OcCAC8
Thank you, wendy. With the help of your wonderful diary, I was able to make this the best day I could. Truman firing MacArthur is still an issue in my ‘normal’ family, and an aunt is still upset that Joe McCarthy got smeared by the liberals. But all hell didn’t break loose, and everyone survived with only minor collateral damage, inflicted by a glance or two of covert disapproval.
Morrison was a killer drunk, wasn’t he? A knife? Ewwwww.
Your ‘Upstream’ was nice, Watt, and the prayer was so good. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. ;o)
“Pass the potatoes; eat shit and die!” LOL! Thanks, tomk.
Hope your day was a good ‘un.
Well, honey; I am soooo happy for you! Goddam. Those must be some senior citizens, though!
I wrote a story about a Christmas when I was a kid; my normal family ruined the day and years to come when my grandfather turned the whole laden-with-food-and-china dining room table over on its side. Scared me to freaking death. “Who are these people?” I remembered thinking; “I thought I knew them.”
And really, Rusty; that poor Joe McCarthy! And now, that poor Tom deLay! ;o)
And ya got me playin’ Dylan tunes in my brain, Rusty…
Coming in late and glad I didn’t miss this lovely diary and commentary;
Also, for those who may not know, the wonderful Rockwell Painting is one of four done to represent the Four Freedoms, that FDR declared all US Citizens are entitled to be preserved and assured by their government.
Freedom of speech and expression
Freedom of worship
Freedom from want
Freedom from fear
Pretty weird by right wing standards. Good to recall that’s why we are liberals.
Pretty radical ideas, aren’t they? Thanks, TalkingStick; if I’d ever heard this, I’d forgotten. I wonder how many basic rights or access to providing ourselves with them we as a people will be willing to cede before there are Big Troubles.
I’m baffled lately by the willingness of so many to make excuses for this administration and the Dems who can’t seem to care enough to stop the deranged shifts of wealth, human and civil rights and perpetual war. I wonder what it will take for people to pay enough attention and understand what’s happening.
Sorry to go on; but looking at the list just serves to snarl my brain even more right now. Think what freedom from want might encompass: housing, clean air and water, food, clothing, good education, jobs, some leisure time, so many basic things that are now so hard to come by, or may soon be.
Anyway; thanks for this, TalkingStick; and Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and all.
Here is a link to a Wikipedia article on the speech and its implications. I was just turning 10 when I heard it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Freedoms
There is a local story of FDR when he came through after a tornado had destroyed most of the city. Paraphrasing what he said’ ‘The powers of your government will be brought to bear in bringing about the full recovery of your city.’
No problem with a big government working for the people then.
Heh. None of my relatives has preemptively attacked the dining room table yet, but the Paris Peace Talks went smoothly compared to some of our discussions. Peace was not at hand. But this year went OK.
Really, I’m glad for you. That dining room table did not fight back, I’ll say that for it…it knew when it was licked.
Remember in M*A*S*H* when Colonel Potter shot the jeep that Frank had run over with a tank? Put that sucker out of its misery? Good move. ;o)
Yeah; and it took times like these to get it done; now look. At least Pelosi seems to want to hold Obama back from cutting preemptive deals with R’s to give away the store even further. We’re gonna need to help her somehow. We have a whole nation to rebuild.
I hope I don’t spoil the Rockwell painting for folks, but I couldn’t help thinking on seeing it here – where exactly on that table is that turkey going to go? (Visions of glass breaking, gravy spilling, goodbye celery, plates gone as well. ) And you just know – at least I do – no granma unless she’s done her hundred pushup calisthenics could possibly hold a bird that big full of stuffing out at that angle in any case.
(I have to dwell on the painting – slo mo computer for me – Happy Thanksgiving all!)
LOL! Not to mention that the kid just to OUR left of Grandpa looks like he could be a young Tom DeLay! (snort!)
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, juliana.