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('GM Fish' by permission of Anthony Freda @ www.anthonyfreda.com)
Secretary of The Inferior ™ Ken Salazar has announced that on December 14 Inferior will hold the first lease sale on gas and oil in the Gulf of Mexico since the massive BP spill last year.
Republicans and drill-state Democrats (Hey, Mary Landrieu! Whassup?) have been pressing the White House to resume drilling since it will be good for possible employment for oil spill cleanup crews and out-of-work shrimp boats, not to mention the sale of Corexit: If mistakes were made, and you find yourself faced with one of those pesky little oil spills Corexit is your best friend! It’s the super-emulsifier that hides oil in a jiffy! Spray it on, and dissolves that nasty floating crude into little patches of sheen that no one even notices as it sinks down into sea beds and onto reefs harmlessly. Presto Change-o! And anyway; ya think we’d feed this shrimp to our soldiers if it weren’t safe?
The leases represent the unleased portions of a 20.6 million acre block off the coast of Don’t Mess with Texas. The Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation, and Enforcement (BOEMRE OYESSURE) will be diligent about their new and improved beefed-up safety and environmental rules, you betcha. Industry did NOT influence these new standards. And of course Congress will keep funding them, and their cocaine ways. And means. Nah; that was Mineral Management in Denver, wasn’t it? Blow, bums, and blowjobs?
“This sale is an important step toward a secure energy future that includes safe, environmentally sound development of our domestic energy resources,” Inferior Secretary Ken Salazar said in a statement.
And “Chocolate-Marshmallow Cookie Cereal is part of a complete and balanced breakfast” as long as you throw the cereal in the trash and steam and eat the box. Ketchup is the vegetable nutrition; tastes good on boxes.
The water depth in the lease sale area is between 16 and almost 11,000 feet; the best oil is deep, as God planned it. We are encouraged not to consider His mistake in putting so much of our oil under the sands of the Middle East; we will make that right for Him, come hell or high-water. God save Eric Prince, Dyncorps, and Haliburton! All hail!
No mention was made of Environmental Impact Statements that are soooo burdensome to job creation. When queried by an intrepid reporter, Kenny assured her that the timing had nothing to do with the fact that Tim de Christopher is safely in jail.
In related news:
Energy Secretary Steven Chu on Thursday praised an advisory panel’s report on curbing the environmental risks of natural-gas development while staying mum on whether the administration favors wider regulatory controls. Mum mum mum mum mum mum…
“Ya think I’m an idiot?” Chu asked. “I want to see what the report looks like first; it may give fracking a green light anyway. Oh? I saw it already? It was great! And Sperling already told you that industry can surely accommodate some sane safety regulations! Transparency! Transparency! That’s the byword of this administration; if I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’!!!!”
“I will be working closely with my colleagues in the Administration to review the recommendations and to chart a path for continued development of this vital energy resource in a safe manner,” he added.
“Drilling companies must list some of the 280 possible fracking chemicals that are pumped under high-pressure horizontally into the earth. Fracking does not create hazards; well casing failures do. If you can’t see what goes into the air during the processs, consider it safe. We will buy just enough scientists to make sure that the air is deemed safe enough to breathe in small doses, and they will buy off any landowners who get sick from the toxicity. And STFU about it. Industry lobbyists have spent millions on selling the public on natural gas as a clean and safe alternative, energy source, far safer than tar sands oil. And it’s working.”
The report didn’t wade into how to balance state and federal regulation or detail specific regulatory ideas. Yada yada yada yada yada mumble mumble……
“I received a Nobel Prize in Physics; you can trust me on this. I’m smarter than you are. And better looking.”
16 Comments
But what if those Chocolate Marshmallow cookies are made with some whole oats, huh? LOL
The message is “Look, we’re throwing you a couple of bones with solar and wind projects, now STFU, we’ve got some oil, gas, coal and nuke companies to service.”
The Obomba admin = Steven Chu = Energy Corp cronies
I missed your post on Tim de Christopher. Who needs a mafia when you’ve got bought and paid-for government agencies, politicians, prosecutors and judges?
Hey wendydavis,
Love the tone. Snark is us. 100%. Haven’t seen you do that before.
Great catch on the video, a must see. Gonna take awhile to go back and read all the links, but I haven’t been keepin’ up on this, so I’ll do the assignment.
Rec’d.
In an even worse move Salazar gave the green light to Shell to drill in the Arctic: http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/shell-gets-nod-to-pursue-offshore-drilling-in-alaska-gulf-of-mexico/2011/08/04/gIQAYezruI_story.html
Sod him! Robert and i were just talking about that on the tele-dee-phone. Thanks, arob…I think…
Still got the sleepy head; is this the same area?
Keep em coming, hotdog! Oats! Oats! Groats!!
“I am the Green Energy Czar!! Gotta looove me!”
‘Who needs a mafia when you’ve got bought and paid-for government agencies, politicians, prosecutors and judges?’ ~~ ‘Streamlining the process for extra efficiency, and saving your tax dollars! And your price at da pump!’
[update] And crikey, hotdog; I’ve been chasing ya all over the boards to apologize for yesterday. I am so sorry; don’t think you saw it on that diary before it skittered off into obscurity….
Well…snark can go wrong; but there was no f’ing way to report this straight, I swear. Do ya think Ken and Steven’ll still love me tomorrow?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygxQu08g2mg
Yeah; when the White House and BP will trying ta convince us everything was good there, I found some of this; just sick. A cynic would believe it, anyhoo…
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/w/e/wendy_davis/2010/07/is-bp-trying-to-buy-gulf-oil-s.php
“And “Chocolate-Marshmallow Cookie Cereal is part of a complete and balanced breakfast” as long as you throw the cereal in the trash and steam and eat the box. Ketchup is the vegetable nutrition; tastes good on boxes.”; thanks WD, needed a laugh and you provided.
As usual, excellent writing and to answer the question posed: “clean coal”. :->)
LOL! Always, always love that one! Yeppers; if we use anthracite and spend about a zillion bucks on carbon capture, yada yada.
Though that same Hill page had some arguments goin’ on because THIS TIME THE EPA MEANS IT! about cleaning up some of the coal plants; one’s here in the Four Corners. Call me cynical, but…
And welcome. ;o) This shite just gets ya down!
Thanks for your work and recommended.
But: didja think it was even a li’l bit funny? ;o)
Thanks for reading, doremus, and…welcome.
W
Your writing is as always superb; your style captivating; your metaphysical conceits amusing and inventive and your wit scintillating. And I mean it.
I’m just not in a funny mode. Yes, I know about satire and sarcasm and snark, and yes your writing abounds in these delights.
The freakin’ problem is that it’s all true.
And that my friend is a materially depressing fact of reality today in America.
I wear black because I am mourning my own death.
Otherwise great fun and keep up the good work and again recommended.
d
“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut
Maybe more to the point:
“…it was her habit to build up laughter out of inadequate materials.” And build up tears to spill too easily, too. ;o)
~ John Steinbeck (The Grapes of Wrath)
“I wear black because I am mourning my own death.”
Have heard it ‘mourning the death of my own soul’. No, not true. We resist; we win when we don’t succumb to their abject abjectness.
Stay strong and of purpose, doremus.
Each nanosecond is a gift not to be squnadered on any passion other than living life to its fullest.
-Ish Kabbible, attributed
And then one can say, ‘A life well lived is long enough’.
-someone else
Keep on the yellow brick road until you get to OZ and see the Wizard.
A good witch?
I’d like to play a little game with Salazar – cut him loose in the wilderness somewhere and pretend he’s a wolf with a price on his shiny bald head.
LOL + Aaaaaaaooooooooowwwww!
@doremus35 August 19th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Yeppers; Crane-Station immortalized me as Glynda; purty fun honor. LOL!
And the sublime Dadaist artitse Anthony Freda weighed in:
“You tell ‘em Wendy.
Keep exposing their ‘ mother -fracking’ lies.”
(Hope ya don’t mind me sticking this in, dear; too fun not to.)